Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
