He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
