he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Michael Bay diarrhea
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
