She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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