How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
