Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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