burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
