Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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