dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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