You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
