Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
