He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
