I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm just crazy horny about you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
