Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
