Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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