lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
