and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
