You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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