somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
