no, he came in my armpit
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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