I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
