Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize