She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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