her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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