blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
