Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
