my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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