I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
pray to the hookup gods
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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