why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
