Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
