Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
