Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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