My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
did i just pee glitter
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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