I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
