i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
