Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
