i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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