things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
