I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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