omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You ruined the universe
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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