the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
