I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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