So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
