Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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