i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
