i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
