wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
