2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
