I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
