If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
