Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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