and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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