Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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