i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
