wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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