question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
