yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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