We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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