Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
