Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
