Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
