she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
