i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dicks are not precious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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