My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
