I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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