Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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