apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
