Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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