My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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