Cold hands, warm shart.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
