Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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