Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize