wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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