I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
