i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
