How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
