The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize