here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
